One of our donkeys just had to be put down.

She was about 15 years old, and severely arthritic; she went down for the second time since Saturday, and wouldn't get up, obviously in too much pain. The vet just came about 15 minutes ago and euthanized her.

It's hard losing a pet, but knowing that she was in so much pain, I know it was for the best. My mom though is devastated.

Here's what's amazing though: When I went to get the mail today, I passed by the pasture and Bo, one of our male donkeys, ran to the fence near me, braying loudly. He seemed very unsettled. And once he had my attention, he ran back to where she was down, as if to tell me she was down again. I don't know what to say except that was so touching...

In any case, she is in peace now. All her suffering is over. Sorry for the depressing update, I'll have more entries up soon.

Card List
Wishlist

===============================================

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~Zapz is holding a HArpg horse show, and needs more entries pretty quickly! If you have the time, please stop by and consider entering :]

~Tumblepatchkits is holding a unique contest and needs more members to enter! If she can get more entries, she will extend the contest deadline to give you time to complete the entry, so please stop by and consider joining!

================================================

MEMORIALS

Rest in peace, Sherece... your legacy will forever live on...

~HeelsDownX ... I never knew you, but nevertheless your loss is a terribly painful one, and I you shall be greatly missed by all. Rest in peace.

~Z1ven It's a shame I never took the time to get acquainted... but now it's too late. You will be missed by all. Rest in peace....

==================================================



I shall keep this feature up as a reminder to stop procrastinating so much

=================================================================
=================================================================

I am on a mission from ~EverRoxas to gain members for an ADD/ADHD writers club. If you're a writer with ADD or ADHD, check out the news article here.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

If you're from Florida or Alabama, check out an awesome club at *flora-bama !

=================================================================

Until next time!

Mah Wish List 'o' Doooom!

Wow. oO I've spent the last few days collecting addresses, writing on cards, and addressing envelopes in preparation for sending out Christmas cards. xD I am going to list the peoplez that I have cards ready for or am just about ready to send out to:

_{=Amaris--Miakoda
=Ancient-Hoofbeats
=AutumnPendullum
=boribaby
~Butterfly-Logic
~Cainid
*cascadance
*Crazysparkles06
=CricketWings
=daughterofthestars
~Delumier
~Dewfrost
*eldery
=EndlessEmeralds
*Equinus
*Failed-romance-x
=featherwolf-pluma
=Fiverart
*freeburgfreak
*Ilyana88
=itsallgonegrey
=JaffaHusky
=kalmanen
=Larka-Wolf
*Misaki-Fain
*noblestallion
*Niur-Tarow
~Nuuhku87
*parrotsnpineapple
*PearlyPony
*Pliochippus
=purpleshadowbooster
~snowhorse
=Spirit-of-Cavalia
~starlight-mustang
*Starrlegend
*sweetbay
~TheGreatandMightyOz
=Twilight-Veil
=Valvador
*whirl-wind
=Wild-Hearts
*Winzer
*WSTopDeck
=Zolby}

Here's what I need ya to do: If you are on this list and do NOT wish to receive a Christmas card, Note me or comment in the journal. If you are not on the list (I may have forgotten a few actually ) and DO wish to receive a card, Note me with your address. I'll have a card of sorts (just a picture with scribbling on it xD) on dA by December 25th, but if you wish to receive a card in the mail, I'll need your home address pretty quickly. Also if you've moved or changed addresses in the past year or so, make sure I have the correct one.

In addition, if you know someone on dA who is not on this list and may wish to receive a card, let me know and I'll go ask 'em. :3 I do have a few cards leftover after I get this batch sent out, but be aware that mail might not get delivered by Dec. 25 if ya don't hurry up! Because of this, I am sending international cards first, and most of the inside-US ones perhaps a little later. Also, to a couple people here who have recently sent me a letter that I haven't yet replied to, I'll send your card and your letter as soon as I'm finished writing the letter, which I am working on!

On to other things! Tomorrow (Thursday, as in many parts of the world it is already tomorrow. ) I am going to the college to take the next test in a series of pre-entry tests before I start classes. The counselor said I should have no problem with it since I aced the last one (I totally forget the acronyms here, plz forgive meh xD ) , but still I'm a bit uncertain. Wish me luck!

And I guess that's it. Moar journalspam soooooon!

===============================================

CONTEST ADVERTISEMENTS

~Zapz is holding a HArpg horse show, and needs more entries pretty quickly! If you have the time, please stop by and consider entering :]

~Tumblepatchkits is holding a unique contest and needs more members to enter! If she can get more entries, she will extend the contest deadline to give you time to complete the entry, so please stop by and consider joining!

================================================

MEMORIALS

Rest in peace, Sherece... your legacy will forever live on...

~HeelsDownX ... I never knew you, but nevertheless your loss is a terribly painful one, and I you shall be greatly missed by all. Rest in peace.

~Z1ven It's a shame I never took the time to get acquainted... but now it's too late. You will be missed by all. Rest in peace....

==================================================



I shall keep this feature up as a reminder to stop procrastinating so much

=================================================================
=================================================================

I am on a mission from ~EverRoxas to gain members for an ADD/ADHD writers club. If you're a writer with ADD or ADHD, check out the news article here.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

If you're from Florida or Alabama, check out an awesome club at *flora-bama !

=================================================================

Until next time!

'Kay. So. Time to get that last journal off my front page.

It's November 28th 'ere, which means Christmas is less than one month away. I'm not much of one to ask for things over the holidays, but I figured I might as well put up a wish list anyways. Just something informal, but there be stuff on this 'ere list that I would kind of like. Yeah. Or something like that. *fails*

~*~*~*~

Letters and Christmas Cards!
_{Words cannot express the happiness it brings when I get something in the mail from mah pals on dA. <3 Most of you already have my address, but if you don't, ask me for it via Note!}

For Everyone I Love And Care About (This Means You!) To Have A Wondrous Holiday Season!
_{Nothing makes me happier than seeing y'all happy, so I hope everyone has a lovely holiday season! ^^}

A Good Dutch-English Dictionary Or Learner's Guide!
_{I've been wanting to learn Dutch for quite awhile now, but have failed to see even *one* learner's guide in bookstores! If someone out there knows where I can find an in-depth Dutch learner's guide (from English, being my native language lol), please let me know! I have a friend in the Netherlands helping me learn Dutch, but I can't turn to her every five minutes with questions. xD (I'm also trying to learn Spanish, German, and perhaps a little Finnish and lots of other languages, but I have plenty of Spanish and German books :3)}

To Find Love This Season.
_{Yes, yes, I know I've now committed to wait to find The One, but one can dream, right? xD}

The Off-chance Of Meeting Some Of Mah dA Pals!
_{I don't care what anyone says. You people on here are real friends to me, and it would thrill me to no end to have our paths cross one day!}

To Somehow Learn To Draw Horses At An Angle!
_{The one thing keeping me from improving artistically at this point. D:}

To Be Able To Make Friends Happy This Season!
_{Nothin' I enjoy doing more! <3}

For 2010 To Be Better Than 2009!
_{I dunno about you, but for me, 2009 has been pretty sucky all around ._. Well, with a few exceptions, but still. xD}

~*~*~*~

Yeah, I reckon the only thing anyone can really help me with on this list is the first one. But still, I do hope y'all have an absolutely spectacular holiday season. I would make giftart for each of ya, but I'm not confident enough in my artistic ability yet to attempt it. I DO plan to send out about three dozen letters and cards to people who have already told me they want to get a card/letter in the mail, so I'll be sending those out as soon as I am finished. :] I'd love to do more, but my hours at work right now SUCK and thus I can't afford to buy and send out as much as I want to. But I shall do what I can!

I'm sure nearly everyone here will agree that gift art is an awesome thing to receive at this time of the year, but to be honest, I feel guilty when I get such masterpieces because I know people took hours out of their busy lives to do something like that for lil' ole me. But if it makes you really happy to draw for others, I guess you could if you like. *shrug* Either way is fine with me. ^^

I'm going to try to stop referring to the dArama, but honestly, at this point, I'm going to have to say I'm not on either side. Both sides have taken things too far and are in the wrong on certain things, but both sides also have good points. So I am going to stay out of it if I can in any way possible.

Onto life in general! The last few days have honestly been pretty good, away from the dArama and all the not-so-good vibes that it has brought. I am still rather lonely, and pretty desperate for the time when I find The One (or hell, at this point, even someone that's remotely compatible. xD) , but now I am realizing that I have to wait, as hard and painful as that may be. I am still convinced that I will not even consider anyone locally, and again, all the people I'm interested in are here on teh Net. I wish I could meet some certain people IRL, such as in a devmeet, to see if we're compatible, but the chances of that happening are next to none. In any case, I must admit that I am a bit jealous whenever I see what appears to be a happy couple out in public, wondering when it is my turn to fall in love. But that may not happen for awhile yet, and if I have to wait, I'm fine with that.

Aaaaand, we end this entry with a couple of stolen quizzes... which are actually much longer than the rest of the entry.

I AM A SHOTGUN SHELL!

============================================

<sub>Think back eight months ago, were you single?
Yup.

What do you carry with you at all times?
Usually my cell phone and wallet when I can find it, and maybe a pencil and a notepad.

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you text messaged?
Emily, I think.

How are you feeling?
Eh, can't complain.

Is something wrong right now?
Meh, not really.

Are you mad at someone?
Slightly disappointed, yes, but not really angry.

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
Nope~

Are you jealous of someone right now?
I have to say that I am jealous of quite a lot of people in some respects...

Do you have a piggy bank that’s actually shaped like a pig?
I think I did at one time.

What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?
French fries! 8D

What are you suppose to be doing right now?
Taking a shower and beginning to write a bazillion letters.

Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Probably.

Could you handle a long distance relationship?
Definitely (actually that's the only kind of relationship I would consider at this point) , though we'd have to meet occasionally >.>

Could you cry right now?
If I thought about a few certain events, yes.

Do you ever think about stuff and start crying?
Yeah, every once in a while.

Are you okay with the life you live?
I would say I'm pretty fortunate, so yeah.

Did you enjoy your day today?
It was okay.

Do you have a tattoo?
Nupe.

Would you ever get any piercings on your body, other than your ear?
I doubt it at this point.

What was the last thing you spent money for?
A handful of CDs (on sale at like $1.50 each!)

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
My mom I think.

Do you call it fall or autumn?
Both.

11:11… Make a wish?
Not really.

Honestly, who makes you happy most of the time?
dA peoples! 8D

What were you up to at 9pm last night?
Getting ready to shower.

Do you hold grudges?
Not usually - it depends.

Pick a word that starts with the first letter of your first name?
Zebra!

In the past seventy-two hours, have you been under the influence?
im not as thnik as yuo drnuk i am1!

Who was your last text from?
Sarah, last time I checked.

Who was your last phone call from?
Mom!

One thing you’re looking forward to?
A few upcoming events in the next couple years.

Are you shy at first when it comes to meeting people?
Oh god yes.

Has anyone ever called you sexy?
*shrug* I dunno.

What color is your camera?
Black.

Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to?
All the time! *has good sense of hearing* >D

Have you ever lived in Pennsylvania, Arizona, or Hawaii?
Newp.

Have you ever lived in Quebec, Dubai, or Chihuahua?
And just how many people answering this are likely to have lived in any of those places?

Did you even know Chihuahua was a place?
Yep.

By the way, what is your name?
Zachary~

What time zone do you live in?
Central time.

Are you currently in a relationship?
Nope.

How many letters does your name have in it?
First name or all three? 19 I think.

Do you like being home alone or does it freak you out?
For a little while it's cool, but honestly, I don't like it.

Have you ever had to stay overnight at a hospital?
Nope.

How old is the youngest person in your household?
15.

Do you have one of those friends that just have to constantly be in a relationship?
Yep. ><


=======================

[x] - You like cheese.
[x] - You hate peanuts.
[x] - You agree that this quiz is random.
[x] - You have farted today. (Haven't we all?)
[x] - You have choked on something.
[x] - You are a writer.
[ ] - You smoke.
[x] - You have farted more than once today. (WOO! )
[x] - You like ice cream.

TOTAL SO FAR = 8

[x] - You have lied more than 10 times. (Haven't we all?)
[ ] - You are an only child.
[x] - You have more than 3 pets.
[ ] - You prefer water to other drinks. (Sometimes.)
[ ] - You are an alcoholic.
[x] - You are under 20 years old.
[ ] - You are over 30 years old.
[ ] - You have a boyfriend/girlfriend. ( )
[ ] - You like jewelry.
[ ] - Your favourite music genre is rock. (Metal, specifically, but rock is cool too.)

TOTAL SO FAR = 11

[x] - You weigh more than 140 lbs. (Yesh >.> )
[x] - You like pirates. (WHAI SHOR.)
[ ] - You like anime. (Spirited Away is cool tho.)
[x] - You are a fangirl/fanboy of something.
[x] - You take a prescription drug every day.
[x] - You have a job.
[x] - You live with your parents.
[x] - You like to eat eggs.
[x] - You have a religion.
[x] - You dress stranger than other people. (I guess?)

TOTAL SO FAR = 20

[x] - You have had diarrhoea in the past 2 weeks. (I think so?)
[x] - You have eaten something odd before. (You haven't LIVED until you've tried pickled okra.)
[x] - You are bad at math. (HATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATE)
[x] - You love electronics. (Sort of.)
[x] - Someone/something has pissed you off in the past week.
[x] - You swear a lot. (You have nooooo idea. )
[ ] - You believe in aliens. (Depends on your definition of alien life form.)
[x] - You play video games. (Zelda fanboy till the end!)
[x] - You have low self-esteem.
[ ] - You carry a purse.

TOTAL SO FAR = 28

[/] - You like flowers. (Meh, I guess?)
[ ] - You are bisexual or homosexual.
[x] - You are a Capricorn or a Scorpio. (Scorpio. )
[ ] - You have used tarot before.
[/] - You believe in ghosts. (To an extent.)
[ ] - You think *The-Fun-Group is awesome.
[ ] - You like =Fotus9's horoscopes better than *An-Unsure-Thing's.
[ ] - You thought today's funny saying was really funny.
[ ] - You have gotten one of the daily riddle's right. (These last few = Wut? o.O)
[ ] - You have gotten in/came close to being in a fist fight.

TOTAL SO FAR = 30

[x] - You like fire. (MUAHAHAHHAA. Tho I'm paranoid of house fires. ;-; )
[ ] - You have fainted or passed out before.
[x] - You have a high school diploma.
[x] - You live in America. (For now.)
[x] - You use hand sanitizer a lot.
[x] - You consider yourself a nerd.
[ ] - You have tried chewing tobacco.
[/] - You are a conspiracy theorist. (To an extent.)
[ ] - You sleep in the nude. (Ohmais. .D )
[x] - You daydream frequently.

TOTAL SO FAR = 36.5

[x] - You have imagined yourself being famous. (Though really being famous would suck.)
[x] - You own a stuffed animal. (Several, in fact.)
[x] - You like watermelon.
[ ] - You live in Europe. (I would kinda like to tho.)
[x] - You have a fetish for something. (DUN JUDGE MEH D: )
[x] - You fidget a lot.
[x] - You agree that this quiz has nothing to do with anything.
[ ] - You won't re-post this quiz.
[x] - You have your own personal computer and don't share one. (MINEMINEMINEMINEFISHMINEMINE!!!)
[x] - You have a brother.

TOTAL SO FAR = 44.5

[ ] - You can cook well. (Would like to learn tho.)
[ ] - You like to party.
[x] - You are a bad dancer.
[ ] - You are a professional dancer.
[x] - You have crossed paths with a black cat.
[x] - You have a friend that you think is crazy.
[ ] - You have under 10 good, close friends.
[/] - You are anticipating your answer to this quiz.
[x] - You have run away from something.
[ ] - You have watched the movie: "Slingblade".

TOTAL SO FAR = 49

[ ] - You like to mix soft drinks together.
[x] - You have done an odd experiment.
[x] - People have stared at you oddly in public. (Muahahaha!)
[x] - Your grandmother(s) are still alive.
[ ] - You have a step-mom or dad.
[ ] - You hate to be tagged. (Actually I quite like it.)
[ ] - You have been a member to dA for under 3 months.
[x] - You have a dA subscription. (Have now for over two years straight. )
[x] - Your hair is brown.
[x] - You love to eat candy.

TOTAL SO FAR = 55

[ ] - You have dressed up for Halloween.
[x] - You love cats. ( )
[x] - You have a quirky personality.
[ ] - You are a coffee addict.
[x] - You live near a body of water. (Blackwater Creek is right in the backyard lulz)
[x] - You have had a toothache.
[ ] - You currently have to go to the bathroom.
[x] - You like reading others' answers to "What would you do?".
[ ] - You are a vegetarian/vegan.
[x] - You use the term: "Epic Fail". (All the time .D)

GRAND TOTAL = 61

0-25 = A spaceship.
26 = Corn.
27 = The Chosen One.
28 = A donkey.
29 = Flashlight.
30 = Weed.
31 = Stalker.
32 = Poodle.
33 = A turd.
34 = Pacifier.
35 = Chili.
36 = A continent.
37 = Bamboo.
38 = A Nissan Skyline.
39 = Pedophile.
40 = A rather large and smelly fish.
41 = Parachute.
42 = Mob of angry sheep.
43 = A clone of yourself.
44 = A mortified chocolate deer antler.
45 = Pincushion.
46 = Toilet seat.
47 = Ninja.
48 = Psycho passion fruit.
49 = Yellow snow.
50 = Flammable.
51 = A poison Easter basket.
52 = A dirty diaper.
53 = Mammary gland.
54 = A moose humping a guardrail.
55 = An illegal immigrant.
56 = Tofu.
57 = Microscopic testicle fuzz.
58 = Staple gun.
59 = Tail feather.
60 = A white rapper.
61 = A shotgun shell.
62 = Sexy as hell.
63 = A popcorn fart.
64 = A rusty, herpes infected needle.
65 = Fortune cookie.
66 = Barack Obama.
67 = Chinchilla.
68 = Weapon of mass destruction.
69 = An epic failure at everything.
70 = Sweat.
71 = Naughty nymphomaniac.
72 = Bicycle tire.
73 = A semi-proportionate and anonymous fish scale.
74 = The Bubonic Plague.
75 = Turkey.
76 = Amoeba.
77 = A lice-infected hobo.
78 = The ruler of all evil.
79 = Horny toad.
80 = Fairy Godmother.
81 = Tuba.
82 = Anorexic llama capillary.
83 = Moldy snot.
84 = Miley Cyrus wannabe.
85 = Doppelganger.
86 = Future porn star.
87 = Unnatural disaster.
88 = Statistical database.
89 = Genital lice.
90 = Rocket launcher.
91 = Ruby vomit.
92 = Maggot.
93 = Selfish antagonistic poofing cat.
94 = Pudding.
95 = A gravy train.
96 = Santa Claus.
97 = Paris Hilton's big toe.
98 = Decaying insect corpse.
99 = Blood bank.
100 = Freak of nature and humanity</sub>

=================================================================

That was pleasantly random. 8D
See ya soons!
</JOURNALSPAMZ>

===============================================

CONTEST ADVERTISEMENTS

~Zapz is holding a HArpg horse show, and needs more entries pretty quickly! If you have the time, please stop by and consider entering :]

~Tumblepatchkits is holding a unique contest and needs more members to enter! If she can get more entries, she will extend the contest deadline to give you time to complete the entry, so please stop by and consider joining!

================================================

MEMORIALS

Rest in peace, Sherece... your legacy will forever live on...

~HeelsDownX ... I never knew you, but nevertheless your loss is a terribly painful one, and I you shall be greatly missed by all. Rest in peace.

~Z1ven It's a shame I never took the time to get acquainted... but now it's too late. You will be missed by all. Rest in peace....

==================================================



I shall keep this feature up as a reminder to stop procrastinating so much

=================================================================
=================================================================

I am on a mission from ~EverRoxas to gain members for an ADD/ADHD writers club. If you're a writer with ADD or ADHD, check out the news article here.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

If you're from Florida or Alabama, check out an awesome club at *flora-bama !

=================================================================

Until next time!

Regarding the latest dArama, as much as I have wanted to stay out of it, I feel I must speak out just this once.

To anyone who think it's funny to stir up - and KEEP stirring up - such anger and hatred amongst the already battered dA equine community, I have this to say: Get the FUCK away from my friends.

Fact is, I've wanted this to pass over without any serious repercussions within our little community, but... it's gone too far. Today, !EvilCheese2 left dA for good. Lisa was one of my best friends on here, and it nearly drove me to tears to see her get so disgusted with this situation that she had to leave. It tears out my heart to see a certain few people harass a certain few others to the extent that it had to come to this. While I agree that this is -still- a relatively minor reason to leave the site, what has been done is extraordinarily immature and pathetically juvenile, and cannot be excused in the name of 'trying to bring out the truth.' Umm, no. This goes far beyond that.

People are being deeply emotionally hurt by this, because you people on here are true friends - and in cases like myself are actually as close as, if not closer than, IRL people - and it's no different than your best friend fighting your other friends. It's like a stake in the fucking heart. Ask *Crazysparkles06 - I've talked to her and she is as deeply hurt by this as I am. It's sickening.

Quite frankly, at this point, I no longer give a flying fuck who's right or wrong. Fact is, I have not paid enough attention to the Deviants on either extreme end of this argument to really have an opinion. All I know is that there are several Deviants here that have been deeply hurt to the core by this whole thing, which should not have happened in the first place. The simple solution would have been to rationally think about this and just not watch a particular artist, and hope that karma takes its toll if indeed the accusations are true. However, what has been done - tossing shit for weeks and personally attacking people - is far beyond the limits of decency, and quite honestly worthy of a suspension from dA, in my opinion.

I have tried for so long to remain neutral in these situations. I try to be friends with everyone, and thus usually have friends on both sides. So it's sad to see friends of mine attacking other friends of mine. Perhaps I've been too friendly. Perhaps I need to become a stuck-up bitchy fucktard so I don't have many friends and I can stay out of this. Not a good idea, is it? Wouldn't that hurt ya? Well ya know what? It hurts me very badly to see friends here fighting each other. Granted, those who I am referring to with all of this aren't likely to read this, so more than likely you personally are in the clear, haha.

Don't get me wrong, I love drama in certain forms. I'm on EncyclopediaDramatica nearly every day laughing at stupid shit that people do over the Net, but it's an entirely different story when it hits so close to home. I am losing friends over this situation, and that's no laughing matter.

It is really difficult to piss me off this much over the Internet. But seeing as this drama is STILL GOING ON, I am very upset. And disappointed. It's sad to see the equine community here tearing itself apart. I always thought this community would only be harmed by things from the outside, but now it seems that everyone is turning against each other. Quite frankly, I am almost embarrassed to be a part of this community now.

If you take offense at this, feel free to block me from your page, but don't be immature and take it out on me. The particular Deviant I am referring to here isn't a Watcher of mine, but a person who has lovely art... sadly, this person's attitude has gotten worse and worse as of late, and I'm probably going to stop Watching her. I do though feel sorry for the person in question, and can only hope she has a change of heart and returns to the old, more lovable Deviant I used to know. :/ It's truly heartbreaking to see people change for the worst on here. If you are reading this - you know who you are - I highly suggest you cut out with the drama and accusations, remove the latest uploaded references to the situation, and try to be a little less highly-strung and easily angered. I used to like you a lot, but I don't have much respect for you anymore. And, you are going to find yourself banned if you keep this up. A mutual friend of ours has been banned twice for the same thing you are doing now.

With that all out of the way, I have this to say - until this has died down, I am not likely to be around the site quite as much; therefore, I ask that you add me on Facebook here so that I can keep up with you, and vice-versa. I also have a Twitter and Last.fm account under the name EquusStorm. You can also have my MSN and email if you Note me for it, and my home address if I know you well enough.

Sorry for so many journals, the rants, profanity, and the semi-personal attack... I just needed to get this off my conscience so I can finally start to let this go. The wounds here are deep, and can only be healed if we all work together to make things better, and try to lift each other up instead of tearing each other down.

And with this, I am off. See y'all tomorrow. Love you guys.

EDIT: *pookyns-5 put this better than I ever could, here:
[link]

==========================
PREVIOUS ENTRY
"Chin Up!"
Mon Nov 23, 2009, 11:14 PM
(Mood = thankful; Listening to Goodnight Gravity [Falling Up])

The last couple of days have been going well, and things start to be looking at least a little bit better. So, I can say I'm feeling better for now. Perhaps this is a turn for the better, or even a temporary respite from everything that has been plaguing my mind for a while now. We'll see! Regardless though, thanks so much for sticking with me through it all. <3 Again, you'll never know just how grateful I am for all of ya.

Also, wtf is with all the people leaving? It's not so hard to ignore the dArama and go about one's own business. Sure, it's aggravating, but still, this is an ART community. Let's focus on the art and ignore the petty drama, mkay?

And before I put up another spamz journal soon, here is a quiz.
Taggedededed by Kate.

So you like boys, right?
Well, leths shee. That would be fabulouth, wouldn't ith?

Ever kissed a Mike, Kevin, or Nick?
... o_O

Do you tend to fall for players?
Wut.

Will you have a boyfriend in 2 months?
LOL I hope not. xDD

Have you ever had a best friend?
Yerp. :3

What does the song you're listening to remind you of?
Not listening to anything at this time, but the song going through my head reminds me that the future ahead can be brighter than the past if we try to change it. "Lift Me Up" by The Benjamin Gate. <3

Last person you talked on the phone with?
Meh mom probably.

Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up?
Yesh, from Sarah.

What did you do today?
Slept till noon cos of the cold medicine I took last night, then sat around on MSN, left for town, stopped by the post office to mail three letters, the bank to cash my check, the local CD store in the mall (which is closing down ;- then off to work from 4-7!

Name something you dislike about the day you're having?
Uncertainty regarding the future, and feelings of doubt and not being good enough.

Is there anybody you're disappointed in right now?
Hmm... that is quite hard to say!

If you are being extremely quiet what does that mean?
It can mean I am distracted, nervous, insecure, or that I forgot I was supposed to be carrying on a conversation. xD

Tell your feelings or hide?
I tell them, but only to close friends. Others must guess.

Are you happy?
Meh, more like content really. It's not often that I am happy or excited, but whatevarz.

Are you a morning person or a night person?
Lawl, I'm usually up half the night and sleep through the morning, but I like the morning better. xD Daybreak is my favourite time of day. <3

Do you want to get married?
Possibly - but only if I find The One.

What were you doing at 1am this morning?
I wuz on MSN, as always. xD

ONE FACT: About the person you fell hardest for?
Erm... never met 'er yet!

WHAT: Happened at 9:00 am today?
I slept through it >.>

ARE YOU: Wearing something you borrowed from someone?
Newp.

HAVE YOU MADE: A mistake this past week?
LAWL, start naming 'em!

DO YOU KNOW: Anyone with the same name as you?
I *work with* two other people sharing my first name.

WHEN WAS: The last time you really laughed?
During an epic MSN convo!

Have you ever broken a flip flop?
Yesh, multiple times. xD Very inconvenient when you're a mile from the house in a strip pit pond down a rocky hill a long way from one's bicycle ._.

Email or voice mail?
Email ftw!

Do you buy blank cds?
Yep.

Have you ever been involved in a high speed car chase?
Of course! I served 21 years in jail for it!

Do you own any powerpuff girl stuff?
Newp.

Bad boys or Good boys?


Do you own a skateboard?
Nope...

Have you ever been a vegetarian?
Nopes.

Do you like celery?
Not particularly.

Is there anything in your past that you'd like to try again?
How about the whole year 2009?

Will this weekend be a good one?
I will be working all through it, so we'll see x3

Which shoe do you put on first?
LAWL I have no idea 8D

Do you think your life story would make a great movie?
The last year and a half? Yes. But other than that, BLAH.

How many GOOD books have you read, that you would read over and over ?
The Firebringer Trilogy <3 And a select few reference books and articles that I can't be bothered to mention!

If you could pick someone to just "disappear" and nobody would care..who?
Hmm... can't think of anyone right now.

Have you ever written anything on a bathroom wall or door while your going washroom?
Newp.

Aren't Uggs and Crocs the ugliest shoes ever made?
I don't give that much thought to footwear. xD

Do you keep your friends close, but your enemies closer?
If I have any enemies right now, someone forgot to inform me >.>

Is there just some people that you don't get along with?
Yeah.

Who was your last hug?
Mah mum. As always. xD

Are you going out with the last person you kissed?
If someone kissed me, I am not aware of it.

Does anything on your body hurt?
My left thumb x.X

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Kate.

What are you listening to right now?
Fearless (250 And Dark Stars) , Falling Up

Where were you at 2:00 this morning?
Still awake, more than likely. xD

What's the CD in your player?
Is empty right nao.

Anything annoying you right now?
Eh, probably. *is annoyed easily*

Name a lyric from the song you're playing:
"I've found a way out, through everything I've known. I'm walking fearless..."


Kate, you are srsly disturbed to make meh answer some of these questions in here.

===============================================

CONTEST ADVERTISEMENTS

~Zapz is holding a HArpg horse show, and needs more entries pretty quickly! If you have the time, please stop by and consider entering :]

~Tumblepatchkits is holding a unique contest and needs more members to enter! If she can get more entries, she will extend the contest deadline to give you time to complete the entry, so please stop by and consider joining!

================================================

MEMORIALS

Rest in peace, Sherece... your legacy will forever live on...

~HeelsDownX ... I never knew you, but nevertheless your loss is a terribly painful one, and I you shall be greatly missed by all. Rest in peace.

~Z1ven It's a shame I never took the time to get acquainted... but now it's too late. You will be missed by all. Rest in peace....

==================================================



I shall keep this feature up as a reminder to stop procrastinating so much

=================================================================
=================================================================

I am on a mission from ~EverRoxas to gain members for an ADD/ADHD writers club. If you're a writer with ADD or ADHD, check out the news article here.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

If you're from Florida or Alabama, check out an awesome club at *flora-bama !

=================================================================

Until next time!

WARNING, MORE BITCHING AND EMOTIONAL BABBLING FROM THIS POINT TILL THE DOTTED LINES BELOW. Please skip this if you're sick of my stupid rants about loneliness. Friends that do still want to read this... promise that you'll always be here for me... please... you guys are the only people in this world keeping me from falling completely apart. I'm so sorry for another emo spam journal... but... but... ugh, I think I'm gonna cry again. I'll probably get rid of this entry eventually but... I... I just feel so alone in the world. At this rate I fear I'll never see any of you in person... so many things in my life keep going wrong that I am losing hope that even the plans I've made to see a few of you are nothing but mere fantasies... I just want to run away from home, and never return. Kate... Emily... I just... I have trouble believing that I'll ever get to see you. Things just keep going so wrong for me that I... I just know something's going to come up to prevent our plans from coming together. It always happens. It's... never worked out for me before. Why should it start now?

Again, I apologize for putting up yet another one of these pointless journals. I really need to learn to stop doing this, but... I've had a really rough past few months. Emotional roller-coaster ride to the extreme. And I no longer trust my family to help me with these issues. You guys here seem to be the only people that know how to cheer me up. Even my counselor doesn't make me feel better. My birthday was wonderful, thanks to all of you awesome people here and on Facebook, but sadly things went downhill shortly thereafter. I can't and won't go into detail, but yeah, 2009 has been total shit for the most part for me.

No sympathy please... I just need to make sure that I'm not going to be one day forgotten about and left alone again. I love all of you so much, so very much, and my number one fear... the fear that keeps me awake at night, brings me to tears rather frequently, and haunts my mind in the day, is that my friends here... the only true friends I have in the world, and among the most important people in my life... will eventually forget about me. Admit it, if I were to leave dA, you all would forget I exist in a matter of months. I would like to think otherwise, but honestly, what kind of a legacy have I left? I'm not even an artist, and don't comment much anymore. Face it, I'm just another face in the dA crowd. Sure, I'm one of the few males here, but totally not the only one.

Another fear of mine is that I will never find love. Yes, I have recently finally begun to accept that it may be awhile before I find that special person, but I have failed every relationship I've tried to be in before it even started. Indeed, the only people that have ever admitted having feelings for me, it has been impossible for me to ever see them in person, and therefore we had to break apart. And that hurts me SO badly. In fact, I am starting to feel decidedly unlovable. This evening I cried my eyes out for 40 minutes straight because of this whole issue. But I have to face the truth - I am not ready for a relationship. As badly as my heart longs for companionship - that special someone - I can't yet drive, cook, pay bills, or do anything basic like that. At 19, I damn well should, but I don't know how yet. :/ I feel like such a failure. It doesn't help that I have some of the most prudish, restrictive parents in the world (Yes, I can get grounded for saying as little as 'hell' or even *touching* a female, even a girlfriend, in 'an immoral way'. To this all, I say: FUCK THAT SHIT! THE INTERNET GIVES ME FREE SPEECH! AND SEXXORZ. xD Well maybe not the second part LOL _{And yes. I do swear like a sailor when the parents aren't around. xD}) . Not that there's anything wrong with being a completely single, 19-year-old-live-at-home virgin, but whatever. I hate not having any true friends off the Internet.

I know it's weird, and I shouldn't even go there, but I am for the most part repulsed by females I see off the Internet. I have no romantic feelings for them. The only females I have ever felt attracted to have been on here, yes here, on dA. Fact is, I hate Alabama so much right now that I wanna leave as soon as I can, to destination unknown. Furthermore, 'setting down' with a local person would hinder these plans. So the only persons I can ever see myself with are those I know from the Internet, and more than likely, deviantART. I am very deeply convinced about this, and no amount of persuading by folks wanting me to find someone locally is going to change my mind. Period. Maybe that disturbs some of you, but sadly, I am quite the hopeless romantic, and I develop crushes far too easily. Yes, maybe I am lame for developing deep emotional feelings towards people I have never even met (and half way around the world) , but that's the way I am, and quite frankly am not interested in changing that. I can only see myself with someone who loves horses, has a great sense of humour, is at least remotely Christian (yes, I am fairly religious, hate me if you want) , and likes to cuddle. Yesh. I'm too sensitive and caring for my own good unfortunately, and will probably wind up begging people to put their problems on me so I can help them. xD

Interesting to note, in the time it took for me to write this journal, I am feeling a bit better. These emotional scars will take some time to heal, yes, but with the most awesome people in the world to help me - that means you guys - I think I can make it through. Seriously, I can't say it enough - you people on dA, and any other site which I tend to lurk on, mean so damn much to me. And none of you will ever know just how much I love and care about each and every one of you. You are such a blessing, and have seriously changed my entire life. You are the best friends anyone could ever ask for, and the most awesome people in the world.

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LESS EMO STUFF NOW.

Okay... this journal actually has a meaning. Specifically, to thank you all for your birthday wishes and gifts. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I will get around to commenting on your well-wishes and gifts and such as soon as I'm feeling up to it.

Second, I finally took the COMPASS test and officially signed up for college. To my surprise, I did very well. I got near perfect scores in writing and reading, and pretty good on mathematics, except for college-level algebra. I should start classes in the spring.

And finally, I'd better mention this now while I am thinking about it: I need to know who all wants me to send you a Christmas card + letter this year so I can get started working on 'em. I'll need your address but I promise to try hard to send a nice card and a short letter/note before Christmas arrives. I am looking forward to at least trying to brighten a few dA peoples' lives over the holiday season, though I don't know who or how yet.

Oh, and also, if you're in the US and have unlimited texting on your phone, you can Note me for my phone number, as I tend to get bored sometimes and like texting every once in a while. Though I'm not near my phone all day lol. You can also ask for my MSN address, as I am on it now more so than ever... though I usually appear offline and am mostly on it late at night. Note that this applies only to those that I know... I don't like adding total strangers on MSN or mah phone >.>

Long journal is long. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I go through the difficult stage of passing from teenager to adult. I want to be able to handle a relationship and my life still yet to come, and in order to do such, I have to stay strong and press on, as hard as it may be, and begin to take my first steps toward independence. It's gonna be a long road, but one I now realize I must take.

And with this, I am off. I will probably have a more worthwhile journal up soon (yes, I put up too many journals >.> ) and I should have mah first Dev ID and some more art-ish stuff up before too long. Hope to see y'all around.

===============================================

CONTEST ADVERTISEMENTS

~Zapz is holding a HArpg horse show, and needs more entries pretty quickly! If you have the time, please stop by and consider entering :]

~Tumblepatchkits is holding a unique contest and needs more members to enter! If she can get more entries, she will extend the contest deadline to give you time to complete the entry, so please stop by and consider joining!

================================================

MEMORIALS

Rest in peace, Sherece... your legacy will forever live on...

~HeelsDownX ... I never knew you, but nevertheless your loss is a terribly painful one, and I you shall be greatly missed by all. Rest in peace.

~Z1ven It's a shame I never took the time to get acquainted... but now it's too late. You will be missed by all. Rest in peace....

==================================================



I shall keep this feature up as a reminder to stop procrastinating so much

=================================================================
=================================================================

I am on a mission from ~EverRoxas to gain members for an ADD/ADHD writers club. If you're a writer with ADD or ADHD, check out the news article here.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

If you're from Florida or Alabama, check out an awesome club at *flora-bama !

=================================================================

Until next time!